Tag: Scott Morrison

Dear COVID-19 anti-vaxxers, fuck right off

Posted on by SW

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was all over the news today, thankfully for not having a beer at the footy or jetting off on a Hawaiian jaunt. That’s a bit unfair, he has handled the pandemic quite well. Morrison has signed a letter of intent with biopharmaceutical company AstraZeneca to produce 25 million doses of a COVID-19 vaccine currently being tested. Not surprisingly in the outrage culture of 2020, debates have already kicked off over Morrison’s use of the word “mandatory”.

Of course a COVID-19 vaccine should be mandatory, unless for 1000% genuine medical reasons, as in the vaccine recipient’s arm will fall off, or they’ll drop dead. Even the arm excuse isn’t good enough. Most of us have a spare. Religious reasons? Don’t care. Surely your religion preaches something about being selfless and looking after your fellow man / woman / insert other option here… etc etc.

No doubt the nutjob-tin hat-wearing anti-vaxxer-sovereign-citizen brigade will emerge from wherever they emerge from. They’ll be spouting some pseudo-constitutional human rights charter bollocks they have dreamt up and gleefully shared in their pathetic little Facebook groups.

These selfish bastards have been out in force across the globe over having to wear masks and adhere to totally understandable travel restrictions. Australian standouts include the obnoxious “Bunnings Karen” and one Eve Black who refused to comply with a police officer at a checkpoint, while filming herself for social media. The officer who endured her rant should receive a medal for showing great restraint in not shooting her.

Anti-vaxxer morons can fuck right off.

They spout their hilarious bullshit that Bill Gates wants to create a new world order by injecting us all with 5G towers, while the lizard-people Royal Family wave on. Or something.

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The trouble is, it’s not just random nutjobs… it’s also high profile politicians — the usual suspect Pauline Hanson — and media “personalities”, so-called celebrity chefs and more, who unfortunately have, or are given a voice. These people are ignorant and dangerous and should not be given any media oxygen, but obviously they will.

It’s not about them or their “freedom”, COVID-19 doesn’t discriminate. Hundreds of thousands dead, lives decimated, economies in the toilet. A vaccine is all we have to try and claw our way out of this.

Anyone who refuses the COVID-19 vaccine should be banned from stepping outside his or her house. Or better still, left to rot on Manus Island where refugees en route to Australia are cruelly imprisoned. These anti-vaxxers are entitled to nothing.

My slightly dodgy lungs have a vested interest in a successful COVID-19 vaccine. Like millions of others, I have pretty much been in self-imposed lockdown for months. I leave the house only when I need to, and the very odd occasion I’ve caught up with friends. I’m not paranoid, just measured.

I can think of a few better ways to spend my time than face down on a hospital bed hooked up to a ventilator. Wear a mask. Get the vaccine.

©Steve Williams 2020

Election 2019: Crutching at Straws

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“There has never been a more exciting time to be an Australian.” Former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull uttered that immortal line what seems like several thousand kissed babies ago. Exciting? No, the Australian federal election on Saturday can’t be euthanised fast enough.

Loins girded until Saturday evening

What a time. What a campaign. So many highlights to choose from. Here are just a few.

*We’ve had two eggings (one broke, one didn’t), which politically, isn’t a new thing. Prime Minister Billy Hughes was egged in 1917. These 2019 incidents cracked the hashtags #EggBoy and #EggGirl, who disappointingly weren’t revealed as the latest Avengers recruits in Endgame. 

*Speaking of which, a “truth avenger” called Captain GetUp appeared in numerous marginal seats. Captain GetUp was dressed in a mock-superhero outfit, emblazoned with the names of the political parties he was protesting against. In this campaign that makes infinite sense. Captain GetUp was created by Advance Australia – a conservative group taking their name from the Australian national anthem that no one knows. He was last seen dry humping a poster of independent candidate Zali Steggall.

*Campaign buses for both major parties have been traipsing across the country. More often than not, they were sans the person whose photo is plastered on the side of the bus. Kind of a Mary-Celeste-drifting-aimlessly-vibe.

*Incumbent Prime Minister Scott Morrison has been rolling out his fair dinkum, bonza, you beaut, daggy dad routine. He’s been wearing caps, skolling beers, hammering nails, playing football, soccer, cricket and Ultimate Fighting Championship – ok, I made that last one up, but if there was a vote in it, he’d be climbing into the octagon. 

*Morrison also engaged in some sheep shearing for the cameras. As one does. Thankfully this stopped before the crutching and dagging. Those two ovine procedures are an apt description for the election campaign.

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*On a slightly serious note, does anyone actually buy this BS “everyman / woman” routine from politicians? “Sharon, I’ve voted Labor all my life, but I just saw the PM shearing a sheep, and he’s got my vote.”

*“Infamous” (that’s one expletive-free adjective) senator Pauline Hanson crocodile-tearing up on prime time TV after the implosion of the latest nutjob One Nation candidate, was absolutely hilarious. Hanson is my least favourite Barry Humphries character.

*A ridiculous number of candidates across various parties have resigned / been disendorsed / sacked / dumped in the recycling bin. Their transgressions have included groping strippers, making anti-homophobic, misogynistic and anti-Islamic comments, describing an opposing candidate as “a good bloke,” linking same-sex marriage and paedophilia, to “jokes” about having sex with a ghost. Yes, really. You can’t make this shit up.

*This week we had a work experience Lady Godiva in Melbourne, topless, with a hair bra, being led on a horse, to protest climate change. A noble quest. Knowing Melbourne’s weather, she would have been hoping for a change.

*The outpouring of emotion following the death of much-loved former Prime Minister Bob Hawke two days before the election has taken media fuel from the campaign. Hawke always had impeccable timing.

Who will shine through this clusterfuck of a campaign and emerge as Prime Minister? Unlike Melbourne’s Lady Godiva, all will be revealed on Saturday night. 

©Steve Williams 2019

Shining a light on The Everest

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Dear Racing NSW,

I feel your pain.

All you were trying to do was share the edge-of-your-seat excitement, the spine-tingling adrenalin rush of that one day in October – the greatest sporting event ever held
in Australia, neigh, the universe: The Everest.

The Great Barrier Reef, the ultimate billboard for The Everest

They don’t understand the magnitude of what you are trying to achieve.

Those rabid, inner city, ABC-watching, latte-sipping punters. No, you can’t call them punters; they wouldn’t know the thrill of losing their rent money on what should have been a sure thing at Hawkesbury on a Thursday afternoon. Those unAustralian bastards, pathetically trying to upstage your brilliant Opera House event by waving their lights like 21st century flaming torches.

The Everest. Congratulations on the name, it is so inspiring, so Australia, so Sydney. It evokes… the 14 tons of human waste that has been carried down from base camp and other locations on Mount Everest this year.

Look, I know your promotion for the race that stops the… well, just stops, had a bit of a fall as it turned for home. I’ve saddled up some feisty advertising and PR campaigns over the years 
and I can help.

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We dig the heels in and get the whip out with the genius idea of projections.
It worked so well at the Opera House, we have a red hot go at other iconic Aussie billboards, starting with Ayers Rock. Forget that PC “Uluru” bullshit, it’s Ayers Rock. You can’t tell me that massive sandstone monolith wouldn’t make a great projector screen to beam the race live.

When I think of The Everest, I think big (also a nod to the champion thoroughbred that saluted the judge in the ’74 and ’75 Melbourne Cups). We screen the race on the big things conveniently scattered around Australia in key lose-your-shirt-on-the-punt demographics:
The Big Banana, The Big Merino, The Big Lobster, The Big Pineapple, The Big Boxing Crocodile and of course The Big Ned Kelly. They’re all champing at the bit for The Everest.

Speaking of big, our piece of resistance is a projector screen that covers 344,400 square kilometres – The Great Barrier Reef.

Those greenie-pinko protesters will tell you that it’s dying due to climate change,
which is crap, but we need to have it totally white to use as a screen. So I’ve contacted every race club secretary in Australia and a few hours before the race we’re going to have a convoy of 70,000 utes park on the Reef, revving their engines and the exhaust fumes will finish it off, just in time for the gates to spring open. I reckon next year, we actually run the race on the Reef.

In the time-honoured, venerable one-year history of The Everest,
I assure you, this will be the greatest ever. Giddy up.

©Steve Williams 2018