Prince Harry’s “autobiography” Spare has now been released globally, not just for the lucky la pueblo of Spain.
When the white-hot media spotlight that Harry detests, but is happy to bask in as he whores himself around flogging his book fades, he’ll be desperately needing more ways to stretch out and cash in on his ginge whinge-fest at the Royal Family and the universe.
I have an absolutely brilliant concept that will have Broadway and The West End charging down the gates of H&M’s Montecito mansion.
Presenting… Spare – The Musical – On Ice!!™
Just imagine it… a musical interpretation of the juiciest, TMI and WTAF? bits of Harry’s book.
The Spare – The Musical – On Ice!!™ stage is a barren, frigid dystopia, complete with a frozen palace and ice sculptures of the Royal Family.
The musical opens with Harry, playing himself, feeling lost and overshadowed by his older brother and with massive Pa and mummy issues. As he struggles to find his identity, he is mentored by a wise, older woman who takes him under her wing and helps him discover his passions and talents. She also takes Harry’s virginity while spanking his arse in a field behind a pub. SPOLIER: This woman is not the “dangerous” Camilla.
Without giving too much away, highlights of Spare – The Musical – On Ice!!™ include the moving scene when Harry’s dick falls off from frostbite in the Arctic set to a heartrending ballad, I Have A Frozen Todger. You will also see Meghan and Kate battle it out over everything from bridesmaid’s dresses to lip gloss.
Spare – The Musical – On Ice!!™ will recount Harry’s words on his military career, including how he killed 25 Taliban types in Afghanistan. This is right after the Target On My Back scene where he bitches at his family how they have put the security of Meghan and his children at risk.
Relive all the classic, unforgettable moments from Spare, including the necklace-breaking-dog bowl-smashing fight with William set to Clear The Heir and being forced at gunpoint by William and Kate to wear a Nazi uniform.
You’ll love the rousing, sing-a-long chorus to William and I Are Circumcised, But I Wish My Family Would Stop Leaking Private Things To The Media and the angst-ridden plea, Please Let Me Keep My Beard.
Other songs are being written as Harry does more interviews, but the emotionally-charged finale of Spare – The Musical – On Ice!!™ sees Harry tearfully performing a solo routine demonstrating his freedom, set to a pathetically clichéd reworking of Let it Go from Frozen, complete with a crown and cape made of glittering icicles, while the ice sculptures of his father, stepmother and brother slowly melt in the background.
Just wild about Prince Harry? Don’t miss Spare – The Musical – On Ice!!™
©Steve Williams 2023