So I see the boffins at Samsung have burst out of the shed brandishing a bendy phone.
About bloody time too. What took them so long?
Amazing what you can do with the Samsung bendy phone
Seriously, the world has been crying out for a bendy phone, ever since um… ah… you know….
Sadly, it is not called the “Bendy Phone” — that name would not have caused too much stirring in the trouser department of the South Korean Samsung marketing types. No, it has been christened the “Galaxy Round”. As the young people say… “meh”.
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Why do you need your mobile phone to bend anyway? It’s not overly crucial. I can surf the interwebs, send emails, listen to music, take photos, shoot videos, write articles, talk to and hear people, probably even cook a nice beef ragout on my iPhone. The ability to bend or not hasn’t really been a deal-breaker for me. I admire the technology that was developed to enable a phone to bend, but I still don’t get it… what’s the point, apart from being an extremely ingenious gimmick that will no doubt sell several billionty models?
That may be a bit harsh. Actually, I can think of (tumbleweeds) (crickets) absolutely no reason why I would want a bendy phone. Though, being the media whore that I am, I’m sure if the good burghers of Samsung hand-delivered one to the randomswill corporate humpy, I would shout its praises from more than just rooftops.
Of course you need a bendy phone (sorry, Samsung Galaxy Round)! What are you, freakin’ stupid? You can roll it up and play ping pong with it, transform it into fascinating origami arrangements, shape it into a flavoursome gnocchi, paint it green and introduce him to his equine friend…
Yeah, no, seriously Amanda, (can I call you Mandy?) we really appreciate you going into bat for us — especially against the Poms — but us blokes are good.
We’ve got it, we’re across it. We’ve got it firmly in hand.
In case you missed it, the former Howard government minister Amanda Vanstone is taking up the good fight for the honour of Australian manhood against those bastards of Fleet Street.
Amanda models the fair dinkum Aussie bloke (photo via news.com.au)
Vanstone suggests that the scurrilous British press have been besmirching the fine reputation of the Antipodean male, “I am furious. It really is atrocious that they are making out Australia as a colony, a hick country, a back water where men guzzle beer all day and are rude about women,” she says.
She continues, “they are going on this misogynist thing as if that was the reason why she (Julia Gillard) was ousted.”
Hang on Amanda, so you think they think we’re all Foster’s-spewing extras from The Adventures of Barry McKenzie circa 1972 and anyone sans vagina is responsible for the death of democracy and the resurrection of Kevin Rudd?
Ok, so I drew a slightly long bow, but we really don’t need your help Amanda, and speaking on behalf of all Aussie blokedom, we’re a bit embarrassed by the thought you found it necessary to jump on a plane to London to “set the record straight” for the hounds of Fleet Street “perpetuating the myth”.
Don’t you see? That’s just going to make it worse.
It’s like your mum coming down to the oval after school when some kid had challenged you to a fight ‘cause you wouldn’t give him your Tommy Raudonikis or Kevin Sheedy footy card.
With Amanda putting her nose to the vanstone to recover our sullied reputation in the UK, can you see how confusing it is to be an Aussie of the male persuasion on July 8, 2013?
Everywhere you turn, you have to decipher more mixed messages and cryptic symbols than Tom Hanks in a Dan Brown film. Is it now OK to wear a blue tie? Or will I be eviscerated by malevolent stares from the Q&A faithful? Do you hold the door open to let a woman go through first? If so, will she think you’re a chauvinist?
Now “chauvinist” – that’s a word that hasn’t had a run lately. It’s been replaced by “misogyny” which only up until this year conjured in my mind the sultry visage of the hot French student teacher I had in year 11.
You look for bloke-ish role models to steer your path — you’ve got David Beckham, the poster boy for metrosexuality, until he opens his mouth, and then there’s Warnie — but what about his WTF come-to-sex selfie the other week? I would assume this would definitely be the cold spoon antidote to anything that old Golden Balls puts on the (bedside) table.
All of this is Hugh Jackman’s fault. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he makes all us other Aussie blokes feel totally worthless and inadequate, the bastard. I stand by my comments Madam Speaker.
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Radio 2UE in Sydney did just that on Friday with an appalling ad in the Sydney Morning Herald for their sports program. Really? “let her go shopping?” A stupid stunt.
You would have thought 2UE would have had more sense than going for a cheap shot like this, considering the dramas its mortal enemy 2GB has been embroiled in — think Alan Jones discussing chaff bags and how Julia Gillard’s father died of shame and so on. If 2UE want to continue promoting the station with lumbering dinosaur views like that, maybe it should change the frequency from “954″ to “1954″.
Even as I write this, a firestorm has erupted over the normally genteel strawberry fields of Wimbledon. Following Marion Bartoli’s win in the Women’s Singles Final, a BBC radio commentator suggested that it was always going to be tougher for her as she was “never going to be a looker”.
Again, rampant stupidity.
Though this is where that confusion rears itself like a pissed off scorpion — are the comments about Bartoli any worse than The Sun newspaper running an article about tennis player Jerzy Janowicz with the headline “Lankenstein” and photoshopping green skin and bolts on him? I don’t think The Sun is suggesting Jerzy is an avid Mary Shelley reader. Discuss.
So I’ve gone off on the occasional tangent here, but in reality as a man (and I use that only in the sense of gender) you’ve gotta be comfortable in your own skin — whether that’s regularly moisturised, plucked, and exfoliated, or merely sees a sporadic swipe of Coles Smart Buy soap every third day.
Speaking of Wimbledon and moisturiser, there was a hilarious back-and-forth exchange in the comments of Wendy Harmer’s post on The Hoopla website Men. The New Vanity Units. It was a far more entertaining than anything we saw on Centre Court over the past two weeks.
You need to read them — Mick and Dave traded screaming crosscourt forehands, lobs and sneaky dropshots, all while inserting the delightful terms “letting fluffy off the chain”, “man cards” and “wank territory” into the vernacular.
So we get it, us blokes are works in progress, we’re doing our best, we’re across it, we fail as often as we succeed — but we stand together — even with our stupid imperfections like saying “gotta zip” and “fair suck of the sauce bottle” (though only one bloke in the universe says that).
It may, or may not surprise you that we understand, we actually listen, talk about and process all this stuff.
We live in times far removed from when Raudonikis and Sheeds were running around windswept suburban footy grounds. We know, respect and simply couldn’t give a flying whatever that the PM’s wife earns more than he does. We’re aware that Tony Abbott lives in a house awash with oestregen.
It’s all good.
The last bloody thing we want or need, is Aunty Amanda trying to help, by turning up at the front office at school brandishing our forgotten lunch, or stomping down to that oval in an attempt to defend us.
OK, so we’ve fallen for the stunt, but 2UE still needs to be called out for it.
The Sydney Morning Herald ran an ad in today’s racing section “The Form” promoting the radio station’s sports program with the headline, “Another reason to let her go shopping this weekend”.
Seriously, where do you start with this thing? Obviously a stunt to get people talking about the station and the program, which worked, but will it gain them listeners?
You can imagine the creative workshop / think tank / pow wow – “We need to come up with something that’ll get social media buzzing”.
“Yep, I reckon we cash in on the whole misogyny thing – I dunno, maybe something like women and shopping? You know, inferring that if the little woman goes shopping, her bloke’ll be free to listen in peace, preferably in his shed, with a bottle of KB”.
“You’ve nailed it!”
You can smell the Dencorub from here.
A great moment in advertising
2UE’s General Manager Chris Parker has apologised for the ad, saying, “we appreciate the advertisement has caused concern, and this was certainly not our intention”.
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You would have thought 2UE would have had more sense than going for a cheap shot like this, considering the dramas its mortal enemy 2GB has been embroiled in – think “chaff bag” and “shame” and so on.
Also, the latest radio ratings came out this week, and to borrow from the racing vernacular, it was 2GB first by a good length, 702 ABC up there as well, with 2UE almost bringing up the rear.
The ad was an interesting attempt to try and claw back some of that dead air between them.
There’ll be the usual cries of overreaction and being requested to “drink a cup of concrete and harden the f*ck up”, but apart from being wrong on pretty much every level, the ad is just disappointing, given what has gone on in the corridors of Parliament House recently. Hasn’t anybody learnt anything?
If 2UE want to continue promoting the station with lumbering dinosaur views like that, maybe it should change the frequency from “954” to “1954”.
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