Tag: Paris

You belong to the city

Posted on by SW

London. A few weeks ago.

“Would you like to go to a disco with me? Or if not, how about the movies? Maybe we could see Toy Story 4.”

Possibly the disco in mind

Both interesting options, with pros and cons, the major con being my wife and I had never met the English gentleman asking the question. He was a random bloke on the street who just came up to us.

After giving our profuse apologies, (though I was very tempted to see what old mate had in store for the “disco” option) we went on our way.

London is like that. You never know who you’re going to encounter as you wander. Like Bangkok. There was an elderly Thai couple that would busk on our street. He would play a MacGyvered string instrument and back his wife’s lead vocals. They had a prime spot out the front of a Starbucks and we would always give them some baht, which was always returned with a nod and a smile mid-song.

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Every city has characters. Our first time in Paris quite a few years ago, we were having dinner in a bistro in a residential area, and a striking gentleman (quite possibly homeless, apologies monsieur if you are not) wandered past. He was dressed in an amazing coat (no, not technicolour), accessorised with an old school cassette recorder around his neck, attached with a piece of rope. All very très très chic and reminiscent of the very non-PC fashion line in the Zoolander movie… Derelicte.

I have encountered many characters in Sydney as well. Martin Place in the city’s CBD seems to be a magnet. One bloke would yell “GARN GET FUCKED!!” at everyone, yet no one in particular. Another would quote Shakespeare in an extremely resonant, thespian style… I would contribute the odd line if he forgot and I happened to remember.

Then there’s the bloke in Munich who prefers to live in a mobile phone shop doorway, a busker who plays the pan flute and stands out not only in his herbal, hippy outfits, but is the only burgher in the city who has a smile on his face.

To misquote the old TV show Naked City, there are eight million stories in the naked city. These have been just a few of them.

©Steve Williams 2020

Random Swill Paris images

Posted on by SW

To slightly misquote the song, I love Paris anytime. Even more so following the events of last week.

If we stop travelling, those terrorist bastards win. And that can’t happen.

To celebrate one of the world’s greatest cities, time to relive a few of my Paris random images….

©Steve Williams 2015

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Gird Your Loins… When Testicle Eaters Attack!

Posted on by SW

One has to admit it has been quite an eventful few months in the endless battle of nature vs a gentleman’s downstairs department with the unveiling of a testicle-eating fish.

Christmas comes early for the nefarious nut-cracking fish

The horror began in July, when the alleged ball-biter was discovered in a lake in Illinois. Strange, because it is native to the Amazon — the fish, not the balls.

The frequent-flying, family jewels-fancier was identified as a Pacu, which according to one website is an acronym of Penis Amputating Castrations Underwater, and was allegedly invented by a militant group of lesbian atheists handy with genetics. This has not been proved conclusively.

Ancient folklore suggests that the privates-pinching Pacu killed two men in Papua New Guinea by gulping down their goolies.

Terror then ensued. The scrotum-stealing Pacu was spotted in Denmark, resulting in a professor at the Copenhagen Museum of Natural History warning against skinny dipping, revealing that the fish has extremely strong teeth which it uses to crush seeds and er, nuts.
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Sightings of the knacker-knibbling fish were then reported in Sweden and Paris with alerts that the bollock-biter was headed for the UK. An official government broadcast advised men to keep their love-spuds under lock and key.

Frighteningly, it’s not only nautical nut-crackers men need to be nervous about. Fast forward to September and a baby enjoying a pleasant day at a zoo in China had his man-tonsils mistaken for Mongolian Beef by a marauding monkey.

Following these terrifying testicular attacks, it’s not surprising that a report this week suggested that the size of man’s marbles relates to what kind of a paternal figure he is. Bullshit. Frightened fathers are obviously concerned that their cojones are going to be consumed by nugget-gnawing fish and / or monkeys.

That wise sage Kenny Rogers was right, “you gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to walk away, and when to run.” I’m running.

©Steve Williams 2013

A Gushing, Moving Experience

Posted on by SW

I’m very average at charades. Come to think of it, I had never attempted it / them — until the other day. I was pathetically trying to demonstrate to several bemused Thai guys the difference between a clothes dryer that works, and the ornament loafing in our new apartment in Bangkok.

Sadly, this was not one of the men in our shower

Hilarious.

Though my piece of resistance was the earlier performance of good v crap water pressure.
This involved comedically graphic arm and thumb-up and thumb-down movements. Momentary panic set in when I was trying to recall whether “thumbs up” was considered offensive in Thailand. Apparently not — only in Afghanistan, Iran, Nigeria and random bits of Italy and Greece.

Thankfully my performance only resulted in much laughter. I would have loved it if one of my shower-mates had exclaimed in a plummy, silver spoon-esque British accent “Bravo sir, author!” Regrettably, no.
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Standing in the bathroom gesticulating wildly and extremely expressively about the strength of our taps made me realise that this is why we travel or have a moving experience to another country.

It’s all about the experiences — whether posing for the OTS (Obligatory Tourist Shot) in front of your global landmark of choice, to a more obtuse, yet equally memorable mental snapshot such as encountering a work-experience scam artist in Paris, who severely needed to work on his pitch (that story is for another time.)

Travel – and life – is merely a set of experiences nailed together… appreciate and enjoy every one of them.*

*At the risk of sounding like one of those rather shitty inspirational quotes on an even shittier desktop calendar.

©Steve Williams 2013