Here are nine things that are easier to understand.
The attraction of these people is easier to understand than Brexit
1. The laws of cricket. Or simply, cricket.
2. The justification of anti-vaxxers (actually no, Brexit is easier to understand than these dangerous morons).
3. Donald Trump.
4. This: “Make use of the relation sec x cos x = 1 to find the first four nonzero terms of the Maclaurin expansion of sec x.”
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5. The plot of the movie Inception.
6. The meaning of the song Blinded by the Light. “Madman drummers bummers…” WTAF?
7. Explaining The Canterbury Tales to someone (no, it’s not about rugby or rugby league).
8. This: Do neutrinos have mass? (Hint: neutrinos are not a breakfast cereal)
9. Why anyone would watch a Kardashian doing anything.
We are facing many untold problems that impact every one of us — poverty at unprecedented levels, an orange dickhead in the White House, the Great Barrier Reef in critical condition… that’s why I would like to write about leaf blowers.
Seriously, whoever invented this satanic apparatus should be used for the barbaric testing of cosmetics instead of the current cute furry versions.
I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but as I understand it, the premise of the leaf blower is to remove leaves / crap from the front of your house / building to that of the neighbouring premises — i.e. anywhere away from yours. What a brilliantly selfish concept.
The same principle should be applied to toilets. That would be fun.
I believe leaf blowers also have a “suck” capability. I have no issue with this, if it was ever used. Then there is the noise. Do they have to so be fucking loud? The other day I endured two of these things trying to out-duel each other in a battle that sounded like two A380 aircraft remaking the Deliverance soundtrack.
Surely we can do better — pretty much every day boffins burst out of the shed brandishing incredible scientific advancements, Elon Musk drove his car into space to do a few laps — surely a silent leaf blower can’t be that hard. There has to be a Nobel Peace Prize in it.
They’d get my vote.
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There’s been a lot of talk about sex robots lately. Not sure why.
I suppose it’s better than talking about Donald Trump.
You may have possibly read about Roxxxy “the world’s first robotic girlfriend”. Apart from the screamingly obvious objectification (literally) issues, the repetition of the letter “x” and total
WTF?-ness of it all, my first thoughts were of the late great actor Yul Brynner. No, not in a weird “King and I” dancing fantasy (not that there’s absolutely anything wrong with that). I was thinking of Yul’s work in that classic sci-fi / thriller “Westworld” (now an HBO remake) when he plays the robot who loses the plot slightly and goes around slightly shooting people.
What happens if Roxxxy or any of her robotic horizontal folk dancing sisters loses the plot?
Blows a head gasket, O-ring, hard drive or any remotely sexually sounding innards? Who do you ring? Some call centre in Mumbai where “Bazza” will talk you through the issues? Is there bedside assistance? Or do you have to wander down to a service centre with her under your arm, surfboard style and say, “She’s buggered mate”.
Roxxxy was born? Unveiled? Frankensteined? at an Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas,
where else – and apparently her creator’s inspiration for her / it rose from the death of a friend in the September 11 attacks. “I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy.” I’m wondering which of the fembot’s various programmable personalities that was. “Wild Wendy”, “Frigid Farrah” or “Mature Martha”?
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Maybe it’s just me, but I thought “vacuum” might fall into the “if you know what I mean” category. Told you it was weird.
Roxxxy’s not cheap, at up to nine thousand bucks, but if you’re into that sort of thing, she sounds
a tad safer than that bloke in Brazil a while back who became rather excited about a car’s exhaust pipe and needed some angle-grinder action to extricate himself.
As they say, whatever turns you on – as long as you can turn her off. Just remember Yul Brynner.
Over the years I’ve worked with a hell of a lot of sales people.
I don’t want one of your f*****g steaks, either
Some good, some psychotic, which of course you could say for any “profession”, but a psychotic salesperson is something to behold, and not in a good way.
Sales people are a certain breed.
President-elect Donald Trump… I can’t believe I just wrote that… this is a very f****d up Twilight Zone / Black Mirror episode… but I digress. Donald J. Trump is a sales person. The ultimate.
Reported guestimates of his bank balance range between $150, $3 billion or $10 billion, give or take.
With Trump, it’s all about closing the deal, he wrote THAT book which thankfully I have avoided. Trump closed the deal early Wednesday morning – the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC.
So where to now? During the campaign Trump made a litany of very well documented promises to his faithful (we all saw them as outrageous threats), but will he follow through? Or in true snake oil salesman mode, was all that ranting simply BS, means to an end of winning the Presidency?
Who knows? With Trump, you get the impression that he is constantly making it up as he goes along, to borrow that line from Monty Python. We’re all in very murky unchartered waters,
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No doubt many of his hard core supporters would have been simultaneously disappointed and disillusioned with his victory speech. It was extremely un-Trumplike, none of the vitriol, no locking up of “Crooked Hillary”, no wall-building threats, no pussies were grabbed, nobody was threatened with deportation. I laughed when it was reported as “being Presidential”, I put it down to the fact he’s an old man and it was waaaay past his bedtime.
Is Trump serious about making America great again? What does that very shallow four-word slogan even mean? Define “great”. Trump was following the old adage of tell ‘em what they want to hear and closed the deal.
Let’s pick one of his campaign “policies”. Did he / does he have any intention of building that wall? Again, who knows how any of this will play out. He’ll no doubt wheel out that hoary old chestnut (which is itself a hoary old chestnut),“Well you know I wanted to <insert bizarre promise> I really did. I promised you I would. But I was blocked. They’re weak. Cowards… etc etc”. The faithful will chug down some more Kool-Aid.
Trump’s meeting with President Obama in the White House on Thursday was surreal to say the least. Trump used the words “great respect” which is laughable, considering the whole birther thing, and the blowtorch he continually took to Obama during the election campaign. But did he really mean any of that? Neither of them looked like they wanted to be there. The body language experts had a field day.
So I suppose it is a matter of watching this space, to see what President steak salesman and beauty pageant owner does. I find it highly amusing / terrifying that his campaign team barred him from Twitter during the final days of the campaign, and now he has the nuclear codes. You seriously couldn’t make this stuff up.
Millions across the planet are proclaiming that the Trump presidency will be the end of the world… and to quote the classic R.E.M. song, Trump will respond with “and I feel fine.”
