Tag: dear people of the world

Phones on the throne really piss me off

Posted on by SW

Dear people of the world. I am puzzled by many things, but fairly high on the list is why people make/take phone calls while in/on the toilet.

Mr Bathroom Banana is an excellent “roll model”

Granted it’s probably not the worst sound you could hear emanating from a toilet cubicle, but seriously, why? Do you feel so important sitting on “the throne” that you need to take that call right then and there? Can’t you call them back? If you are that “busy” that you need to be on a toilet teleconference, you have major time management issues. I realise the mobile phone has now become essential for society to function, but surely bodily functions would have slightly more importance.

Really, how vital is that phone call? Unless you’re on speakerphone to an operating theatre directing how to perform emergency neurosurgery or the control tower has patched you in to talk a heroic passenger through landing an A380, it can wait.

Core strengthening exercises can be completed in as little as five minutes a day and may include exercises as simple as controlled buy levitra online breathing techniques and stretching exercises. A Diminished Sexual Drive Issue cialis pharmacy Men believe that sexual problems (such as low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation etc.) are the part of aging. In some cases, it might be related take a look at the link here levitra generic cialis to some specific male personalities. Oz has written five books levitra sale about today’s medicine and alternative solutions to health problems. I’ve always found it odd how there is a phone in hotel room toilets. You just don’t want to be visualising (or hearing) what is occurring when the other half of your call is on the line in a lavatory. What is even worse is the fact that I’ve heard people explaining — while expelling — that they are in the toilet. As you would. Apart from the general weirdness, it just seems unhygienic. I don’t want to be having a conversation with someone who continually has to interrupt the call with verbal (or otherwise) bursts of diarrhea.

A hang-up? Absolutely.

©Steve Williams 2012

*This piece was published in the sadly now defunct The Punch by news.com.au

Dear people of the world: aquatic bread ban

Posted on by SW

Dear people of the world. This might come as a slight shock, but the natural diet of animals that live in ponds and lakes in parks doesn’t consist of bread. I know, me too.

I realise it’s rather amusing and / or cute to watch fish, ducks, swans, turtles, etcetera swim over as you reach into the bag containing your loaf of processed-to-buggery white bread, but could you not?

Surprisingly, these animals have survived for a very large number with lots of zeros without dining on bread offerings. But, you may argue what about those turtles that ate pizza? Yes, good point, but they are comic book characters and therefore not real.

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If you want to commit carbocide by overdosing on the endless breadbasket at your favourite buffet restaurant, knock yourself out, that’s your choice, but the average pond-dwelling turtle doesn’t have one — so it would be really great if you could stop chucking bits of bread at him / her and our other watery friends.

Thank you.

©Steve Williams 2012