Here are nine things that are easier to understand.
The attraction of these people is easier to understand than Brexit
1. The laws of cricket. Or simply, cricket.
2. The justification of anti-vaxxers (actually no, Brexit is easier to understand than these dangerous morons).
3. Donald Trump.
4. This: “Make use of the relation sec x cos x = 1 to find the first four nonzero terms of the Maclaurin expansion of sec x.”
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5. The plot of the movie Inception.
6. The meaning of the song Blinded by the Light. “Madman drummers bummers…” WTAF?
7. Explaining The Canterbury Tales to someone (no, it’s not about rugby or rugby league).
8. This: Do neutrinos have mass? (Hint: neutrinos are not a breakfast cereal)
9. Why anyone would watch a Kardashian doing anything.
So the “leadership group” (I use that term advisedly) of the Australian cricket team has sanctioned premeditated ball-tampering… cheating.
An early prototype of The Ashes On Ice™
Cricket Australia needs an urgent fix. Something to restore the faith of the Australian and global cricket fraternity.
Fear not. I’ve been rummaging around the team kit bag and next to the stained and battered protector, I discovered something that may just save Australian cricket: The Ashes On Ice.
This concept is an absolute jaffa* as Shane Warne says during British TV cricket commentary when he’s pretending to be English. *A jaffa in Australia has a different, orange / chocolatey meaning.
The Ashes On Ice. Just let that sink in.
Imagine the crowd chanting “LILLEE LILLEE” as Dennis Lillee circa 1975 slides to the top of his mark… turns, and comes steaming in from the Nursery End. Gold necklace bouncing…
moustache bristling… ice shredding… that look of unbridled fire towards W.G. Grace who is stoically anticipating a bouncer aimed at his throat. Oh, I didn’t mention the animatronics?
Think about it. Imagine seeing the long-departed Our Don Bradman, Fiery Fred Trueman, Keith Miller, Richie Benaud and other legends of the game get off the ice and promptly back on it?
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Why ice? Why not.
We can recreate the infamous Bodyline series with those arch-villains Larwood, Jardine and Voce taking on the courageous Aussies.
It doesn’t have to stop at Australia v the old enemy. Imagine the unbeatable West Indies,
with the great Viv Richards just chilling out on the ice. Viv never wore a helmet when he batted,
he wouldn’t need ice skates.
The greats of India, South Africa, Pakistan and New Zealand… all battling it out.
Don’t tell me you wouldn’t want to relive the infamous underarm bowling incident… on ice?
Then there are the streakers…
To celebrate the resumption of hostilities between Australia and England (aka “The Old Enemy”), here is “History of The Ashes (part 1)”.
1899 – Victor Trumper joins the Channel Nine commentary team.
1882 – The iconic Ashes trophy is created, containing the charred remains of a Shane Warne selfie.
1886 – England refuse to play. Request the series is settled by a “jolly good chinwag” instead.
1894 – English captain Andrew Stoddart is outraged at the cost of a pie, chips and beer
in the Doug Walters Stand at the Sydney Cricket Ground and tweets his disgust.
1896 – Cricket’s first streaker attempts to hurdle the wicket at Old Trafford, receives a nasty blow just outside the off stump.
1899 – Victor Trumper joins the Channel Nine commentary team.
1904 – Spectators take six hours to get out of the Adelaide Oval car park. A broken down steam-driven motor Phaeton is responsible. This pill begins buying viagra functioning as it enters the circulatory system. The things you learn now will cialis line order lay the foundation for lifetime of responsible driving. Studies have found that men view to find out more now buy viagra who cease smoking habit experience remarkable improvement in their erectile abilities. The depth of purchase generic levitra knowledge and complexity of care necessary to offer best therapy to these patients to manage the symptoms of ED.
1909 – Sledging is invented. Dennis Bargearse-Smythe fielding at gully at Lord’s says to Australian batsman Monty Noble, “I say convict, that thick top edge should have you transported back to the colonies.” The slips cordon erupt with laughter and cries of “what ho!”
1911 – David Boon tastes beer for the first time.
1912 – Dennis Lillee’s moustache is created in the CERN laboratory in Geneva, Switzerland.
1920 – The first documented usage of “Avagoyamug” is recorded.
I would go further — to me, Richie Benaud will always be the voice of summer.
I was too young to witness his considerable feats on the pitch, though I remember my first game of club cricket for the formidable under 11/3 side in 1975 was played at Richie Benaud Oval in North Parramatta.
Snapshots of those summers in Australia include the aroma of zinc cream and coconut oil, trying to eat your Splice ice cream before it melted, the backs of your legs sticking to the bench seats in the HR Holden, and the deafening cacophony of cicadas.
But above and beyond all that was the cricket. Playing in the backyard after school (I was always Viv Richards – yes, unAustralian I know), playing Saturday morning, then “Saturday arvo” club cricket — my SS bat was a prized possession, and of course watching the cricket on the telly and listening to Richie.
When Richie raised the microphone there were none of today’s seemingly endless blokey in-jokes and “banter”. Commentary teams of today could definitely do with his eloquence and grace. They can buy these drugs at cost effective price from reliable online pharmacies and enjoy their sex life to the full cialis australia can take help from generic anti-impotency drug. This article is dedicated to such non commonly known benefits of these three drugs. cialis cost 20mg, viagra are helpful for those couples who are not happy in their relationship mainly because of erectile dysfunction (ED). The platform uses the power of mobile apps; web platform and offline connect to drive loyalty and customer engagement initiatives. order cialis from canada The other can be taken before 15 minutes of copulation as they work faster than cheap viagra in india the oral pills.
I believe it was what Richie didn’t say in his commentary that had the most impact, those dramatic pauses that landed, followed by an insightful, sometimes gently cutting remark, spinning away with that droll and very dry sense of humour.
Richie Benaud was the absolute master of word economy and unlike most commentators, he knew we were seeing in our lounge rooms what he was seeing down the ground, he didn’t need to be constantly speaking, those periods of silence were not “dead air”.
His knowledge of the game and its spirit was incomparable, effortlessly moving from test matches to day / night games, from the SCG to Lord’s and every ground in-between.
