Tag: COVID-19

Melbourne protests – the neighs have it

Posted on by SW

The ongoing construction worker protests in Melbourne are one of those ever-increasing moments when the lines between satire and reality are blurred.

“WHADDAWEWANT?! Um… dunno… smoko… ivermectin… somethin’ somethin’…” *sets armpit on fire*

For those who came in late, construction workers have been protesting / rioting throughout Melbourne’s CBD against having to prove they are vaccinated against COVID-19 before being allowed to work on building sites. 

Yes, protesting against something that is in their own and their industry’s benefit.

There was also something about not having access to “tea rooms”. The idea of big boofy blokes in de rigueur high-vis vests, quietly sipping on a lovely Earl Grey out of Wedgwood fine bone china in a quaint tea room awash with Laura Ashley décor and doilies is rather amusing.

“BUT WHERE WE GUNNA HAVE FUCKIN SMOKO?”, some bloke screamed as he kicked a police car… I thought the word “smoko” had died a justifiable death in 1953.

What isn’t amusing is the violence…  especially yesterday and today.

Protesters, whipped up by far-right nutjobs have been running rampant in city streets, shutting down the city, vandalising their own union office, kicking a dog and assaulting police and media including throwing urine at them. 

Speaking of taking the piss, there was a “list of demands” which I seriously thought was satirical, but apparently isn’t. Among an amusingly bizarre shopping list of demands including ending lockdowns, ending mask and vaccine mandates… blah blah blah… is the resignation of the Premier Daniel Andrews and mass distribution of Ivermectin. No chance fellas… the neighs have it.

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I was surprised the demands didn’t include compulsory 7 litre bottles of Coke and mandatory display of builder’s crack.

Below are said protestor’s demands. Yes, seriously.

Premier Daniel Andrews to resign? Mass distribution of Ivermectin? No chance fellas… the neighs have it.

Here’s a new set of demands via @TheShovel… they actually make more sense…

While we’re talking horses, the protests took an absolutely farcical turn today when the testy tradies stormed the West Gate Bridge and triumphantly started singing the classic protest song “The Horses” by Daryl Braithwaite. 

The Melbourne protests are yet another milestone for Braithwaite’s powerful call to arms, first sung by the suffragettes in 1914 and at rallies held by Martin Luther King Jr, Nelson Mandela and Vietnam War protests. The rallying chorus makes you want to grab a pitchfork and flaming torch… “That’s the way it’s gonna be, little darlin’ /
You go riding on the horses, yeah.”

Nobody has any (tea and) sympathy for these piss-throwing, dog-kicking morons, considering the good people of Melbourne are clawing their way out of the 102th COVID-19 lockdown and these protests could put them right smack bang back in another one. 

©Steve Williams 2021

COVID-19… taking the piss

Posted on by SW

Now, where was I?

What a time. What an absolute clusterfuck.

Betsy enjoyed her lip-smacking Ivermectin

With slightly dodgy lungs, I’ve been desperately trying to avoid attracting the attention of the COVID-19 lurgy. So far so good… and thankfully now fully vaccinated, I’m still alert but not alarmed. 

Though sadly, like the rest of us, I haven’t been able to avoid nutjob anti-vaxxers, rabid anti-mask wearers and the heart-worming stories of people who think it’s a brilliant idea to combat COVID-19 by overdosing on the anti-parasitic agent Ivermectin, commonly used to treat animals… usually very large ones such as cows and horses.

You have to wonder who was the first person to try Ivermectin? “You know what Trevor? You know how Ivermectin cleared up Betsy’s heartworm, I reckon it’ll be good for my pesky COVID-19 cough, so I’m gonna whiz up an Ivermectin milkshake.” 

Yes, Ivermectin is just the latest in seriously fucked up COVID-19 “treatments” and “cures”. 

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There’s been anti-static clothing, “nano-silver” toothpaste, necklaces to ward off COVID-19 (sans vampire-warding off garlic I assume), a German vaccine beer, an anti-corona mattress, virus-killing deodorant, even activewear brand Lorna Jane claimed its boffins had come up with “LJ Shield Activewear” sprayed with “groundbreaking technology” that could protect wearers against “viruses including COVID-19”. Spoiler alert: It couldn’t and the company was whacked $5 million by the Australian Federal Court. 

Who could forget the orange former US president suggesting disinfectant and ultraviolet light could be handy protection against COVID-19? That seems like several lifetimes ago. I wonder what he would make of a wellness influencer touting the benefits of 30 seconds of sun on your butthole. The mental image of a nude Trump, legs akimbo, saluting the sun is not to anyone’s benefit.

But wait, there’s more. An Indian politician suggested drinking cow urine, unfortunately he wasn’t taking the piss. Then there was Belarus President Alexander Lukashenko who apparently suggested driving a tractor and drinking alcohol will prevent COVID-19, though I’m not sure if he meant simultaneously.

Unfortunately, when you combine ignorance, desperation and in a lot of cases rampant stupidity and throw in the viral impact of misinformation from seriously fucked up Facebook groups, bizarre YouTube videos and conspiracy theorists on radio and TV screaming at gullible people, you get a deadly cocktail.   

I’ll stick to the science, thanks.

Though in the words of John Denver, sunshine on my butthole may make me happy.

©Steve Williams 2021

Dear COVID-19 anti-vaxxers, fuck right off

Posted on by SW

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was all over the news today, thankfully for not having a beer at the footy or jetting off on a Hawaiian jaunt. That’s a bit unfair, he has handled the pandemic quite well. Morrison has signed a letter of intent with biopharmaceutical company AstraZeneca to produce 25 million doses of a COVID-19 vaccine currently being tested. Not surprisingly in the outrage culture of 2020, debates have already kicked off over Morrison’s use of the word “mandatory”.

Of course a COVID-19 vaccine should be mandatory, unless for 1000% genuine medical reasons, as in the vaccine recipient’s arm will fall off, or they’ll drop dead. Even the arm excuse isn’t good enough. Most of us have a spare. Religious reasons? Don’t care. Surely your religion preaches something about being selfless and looking after your fellow man / woman / insert other option here… etc etc.

No doubt the nutjob-tin hat-wearing anti-vaxxer-sovereign-citizen brigade will emerge from wherever they emerge from. They’ll be spouting some pseudo-constitutional human rights charter bollocks they have dreamt up and gleefully shared in their pathetic little Facebook groups.

These selfish bastards have been out in force across the globe over having to wear masks and adhere to totally understandable travel restrictions. Australian standouts include the obnoxious “Bunnings Karen” and one Eve Black who refused to comply with a police officer at a checkpoint, while filming herself for social media. The officer who endured her rant should receive a medal for showing great restraint in not shooting her.

Anti-vaxxer morons can fuck right off.

They spout their hilarious bullshit that Bill Gates wants to create a new world order by injecting us all with 5G towers, while the lizard-people Royal Family wave on. Or something.

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The trouble is, it’s not just random nutjobs… it’s also high profile politicians — the usual suspect Pauline Hanson — and media “personalities”, so-called celebrity chefs and more, who unfortunately have, or are given a voice. These people are ignorant and dangerous and should not be given any media oxygen, but obviously they will.

It’s not about them or their “freedom”, COVID-19 doesn’t discriminate. Hundreds of thousands dead, lives decimated, economies in the toilet. A vaccine is all we have to try and claw our way out of this.

Anyone who refuses the COVID-19 vaccine should be banned from stepping outside his or her house. Or better still, left to rot on Manus Island where refugees en route to Australia are cruelly imprisoned. These anti-vaxxers are entitled to nothing.

My slightly dodgy lungs have a vested interest in a successful COVID-19 vaccine. Like millions of others, I have pretty much been in self-imposed lockdown for months. I leave the house only when I need to, and the very odd occasion I’ve caught up with friends. I’m not paranoid, just measured.

I can think of a few better ways to spend my time than face down on a hospital bed hooked up to a ventilator. Wear a mask. Get the vaccine.

©Steve Williams 2020

Kanye for President? Vote 1 the brain-eating amoeba

Posted on by SW

So I woke up to the news that Kanye West is running for President. Again.

President Ye dressed as the Statue of Liberty at his inauguration

In these COVID-19 infused times, when reality is satire and satire is reality, I don’t know if this is actually happening. It could be, or not. It is more likely to be a severe case of ,”Nobody has uttered my name in five seconds”, but I’ll stand corrected when President Ye quotes his lyrics at his inauguration address.

“A monster about to come alive again / Soon as I pull up and park the Benz / We get this bitch shaking like Parkinson’s.”

Make America convulse again. I can see the caps now.

I also woke up to the news a case of a rare, brain-destroying amoeba has been confirmed in Florida. I’m sure there’s a link to the above. Sadly, I didn’t have a rare, brain-destroying amoeba, or a global pandemic on my 2020 bingo card. I did have murder hornets, flesh-eating bacteria, the President advising we all should inject bleach and Nick Kyrgios being the voice of COVID-19 reason.

What would a West / Ye / Yeezus / Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West / Yeezy / I’m sure I’ve left out other stupid names / presidency look like? The mind boggles. Though it couldn’t be any more of a fucking shitshow than the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC.

It would be a first to have the First Lady most famous for starring in a sex tape, unless there’s something Martha Washington hasn’t told us. Speaking of NW, it would also be a first to have the First Children (I assume that’s a thing), named after compass directions and a bit of the bible.

I’ll conclude with another quote from President Ye’s inauguration address, which makes as much sense as anything his orange predecessor said.

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“They say ‘build your own,’ I said, ‘How Sway?’ / I said ‘slavery a choice,’ they say, ‘How, Ye? / Just imagine if they caught me on a wild day.”

SAXOPHONE / BLACK PANTHER / MARK OF THE BEAST UPDATE

Wannabe President Nutjob Ye gave some hilariously rambling interviews yesterday that produced such gems as…

“One of the main reasons I wore the red hat as a protest to the segregation of votes in the Black community. Also, other than the fact that I like Trump hotels and the saxophones in the lobby.”

“I’m gonna use the framework of Wakanda (yes, the fictional country in Black Panther) right now because it’s the best explanation of what our design group is going to feel like in the White House.”

The piece of resistance: “It’s so many of our children that are being vaccinated and paralyzed… So when they say the way we’re going to fix Covid is with a vaccine, I’m extremely cautious. That’s the mark of the beast. They want to put chips inside of us, they want to do all kinds of things, to make it where we can’t cross the gates of heaven.” I think he means salt and vinegar chips.

There was more, so much more, but I just can’t. The brain-eating amoeba is looking really good.

©Steve Williams 2020