Dear people of the worId.
We are facing many untold problems that impact every one of us — poverty at unprecedented levels, an orange dickhead in the White House, the Great Barrier Reef in critical condition… that’s why I would like to write about leaf blowers.
Seriously, whoever invented this satanic apparatus should be used for the barbaric testing of cosmetics instead of the current cute furry versions.
I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but as I understand it, the premise of the leaf blower is to remove leaves / crap from the front of your house / building to that of the neighbouring premises — i.e. anywhere away from yours. What a brilliantly selfish concept.
The same principle should be applied to toilets. That would be fun.
I believe leaf blowers also have a “suck” capability. I have no issue with this, if it was ever used. Then there is the noise. Do they have to so be fucking loud? The other day I endured two of these things trying to out-duel each other in a battle that sounded like two A380 aircraft remaking the Deliverance soundtrack.
Surely we can do better — pretty much every day boffins burst out of the shed brandishing incredible scientific advancements, Elon Musk drove his car into space to do a few laps — surely a silent leaf blower can’t be that hard. There has to be a Nobel Peace Prize in it.
They’d get my vote.
©Steve Williams 2018
