When AI f*cks up: or Why I shouldn’t play with dolls

Exhibit A“…apart from giving me serious bonsai-d serial-killer vibes and adding about 37 years…”

So lemming-like I jumped on the social media bandwagon and created (or attempted to create) an AI Barbie-style doll of myself with ChatGPT.

DISCLAIMER: I have fully embraced AI. 

I’m not a decrepit dinosaur who thinks AI is going to kill us like Hal 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Though having said that, technology has tried to kill my wife and I numerous times.

Several times driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge the satellite navigation has ordered me to “TURN LEFT NOW!” as we were smack-bang in the middle of the bridge.

If I had followed its advice we would’ve become slightly wet. 

We have also been encouraged to drive straight into the wall of a tunnel.

My wife and I now call any satnav appliance or Siri “Sybil” after the book and TV film about a woman with 16 personalities.

*DISCLAIMER: I am not suggesting in any shape or form people burdened with multiple personalities try to get people to drive off the Sydney Harbour Bridge or harm anyone in any shape or form.

Phew. Got that in just in time.

I also don’t believe AI is going to take all of our jobs, leaving us in a zombie holocaust state.

Seriously, the possibilities of AI are endless and exciting.

As a writer, I view AI as a rather shiny tool in the shed… I use it for research, to brainstorm and refine my work. 

Perplexity is my go-to instead of Google to search for anything. You get succinct answers with references, as opposed to 92,000 random websites.

I might be old-school, but I never get AI to actually write anything.
That’s what I’m being paid to do, and (gets trumpet out to blow)AI just can’t do what I do……………….. yet.

So back to Barbie. I fired up ChatGPT aka Sybil, attached a photo and entered the prompt: 

“Create an action figure toy of the person in this photo. The figure should be a full figure and displayed in its original blister pack. Add accessories of an iMac, and old-fashioned postcards of Sydney, Singapore, Bangkok, Munich and Hong Kong. Add the name ‘Beef William’ at the top of the pack.”

Not too taxing, one would’ve thought… after all, ChatGPT is very good at calculating tariffs.

Your Honour, I present Exhibit A, the photo of my action figure.

First, the good-ish bits… apart from giving me serious bonsai-d serial-killer vibes and adding about 37 years and massive hands, Sybil did get the outfit right based on my photo and the iMac is correct. 

Now the hilarious bits.

Sybil mustn’t get out much. Having lived in Sydney, Singapore, Bangkok, Munich and Hong Kong, I thought I would include retro-looking postcards of each city.

That’s where the plan fell to the ground.

Sybil totally ignored Sydney and Bangkok. 

Singapore became “Snpnah”, which has a certain ring to it and a few correct letters.

She also added an apostrophe: “Singa’pore” which is actually how British people pronounce it… “Singa-pore”.

This is usually followed by a very colonial reference to “out there” and “the far east”, while sipping another Pimm’s.

The random tower Sybil added to the right of Marina Bay Sands just screams Snpnah.

“Munich” became “Munchn”. Maybe Sybil had eins beer too many at Oktoberfest, though it is close-ish to the German pronunciation, “München”.

She got “Hong Kong” right, but added a weird European vista. 

Bizarrely, “Beef William” is correct. 

“Beef William” is my alter-ego, the reason for which is another story… 

P.S. I asked AI to “get feedback on the content” of this piece and Sybil gave me some very helpful suggestions… in Spanish.

©Steve Williams 2025

You belong to the city

London. A few weeks ago.

“Would you like to go to a disco with me? Or if not, how about the movies? Maybe we could see Toy Story 4.”

Possibly the disco in mind

Both interesting options, with pros and cons, the major con being my wife and I had never met the English gentleman asking the question. He was a random bloke on the street who just came up to us.

After giving our profuse apologies, (though I was very tempted to see what old mate had in store for the “disco” option) we went on our way.

London is like that. You never know who you’re going to encounter as you wander. Like Bangkok. There was an elderly Thai couple that would busk on our street. He would play a MacGyvered string instrument and back his wife’s lead vocals. They had a prime spot out the front of a Starbucks and we would always give them some baht, which was always returned with a nod and a smile mid-song.

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Every city has characters. Our first time in Paris quite a few years ago, we were having dinner in a bistro in a residential area, and a striking gentleman (quite possibly homeless, apologies monsieur if you are not) wandered past. He was dressed in an amazing coat (no, not technicolour), accessorised with an old school cassette recorder around his neck, attached with a piece of rope. All very très très chic and reminiscent of the very non-PC fashion line in the Zoolander movie… Derelicte.

I have encountered many characters in Sydney as well. Martin Place in the city’s CBD seems to be a magnet. One bloke would yell “GARN GET FUCKED!!” at everyone, yet no one in particular. Another would quote Shakespeare in an extremely resonant, thespian style… I would contribute the odd line if he forgot and I happened to remember.

Then there’s the bloke in Munich who prefers to live in a mobile phone shop doorway, a busker who plays the pan flute and stands out not only in his herbal, hippy outfits, but is the only burgher in the city who has a smile on his face.

To misquote the old TV show Naked City, there are eight million stories in the naked city. These have been just a few of them.

©Steve Williams 2020

A Gushing, Moving Experience

I’m very average at charades. Come to think of it, I had never attempted it / them — until the other day. I was pathetically trying to demonstrate to several bemused Thai guys the difference between a clothes dryer that works, and the ornament loafing in our new apartment in Bangkok.

Sadly, this was not one of the men in our shower

Hilarious.

Though my piece of resistance was the earlier performance of good v crap water pressure.
This involved comedically graphic arm and thumb-up and thumb-down movements. Momentary panic set in when I was trying to recall whether “thumbs up” was considered offensive in Thailand. Apparently not — only in Afghanistan, Iran, Nigeria and random bits of Italy and Greece.

Thankfully my performance only resulted in much laughter. I would have loved it if one of my shower-mates had exclaimed in a plummy, silver spoon-esque British accent “Bravo sir, author!” Regrettably, no.
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Standing in the bathroom gesticulating wildly and extremely expressively about the strength of our taps made me realise that this is why we travel or have a moving experience to another country.

It’s all about the experiences — whether posing for the OTS (Obligatory Tourist Shot) in front of your global landmark of choice, to a more obtuse, yet equally memorable mental snapshot such as encountering a work-experience scam artist in Paris, who severely needed to work on his pitch (that story is for another time.)

Travel – and life – is merely a set of experiences nailed together… appreciate and enjoy every one of them.*

*At the risk of sounding like one of those rather shitty inspirational quotes on an even shittier desktop calendar.

©Steve Williams 2013

Random Swill cityscapes #1

A few random cityscapes that have been caught in the light of my camera…

Images ©Steve Williams 2012

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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