To celebrate the resumption of hostilities between Australia and England (aka “The Old Enemy”), here is “History of The Ashes (part 1)”.
1882 – The iconic Ashes trophy is created, containing the charred remains of a Shane Warne selfie.
1886 – England refuse to play. Request the series is settled by a “jolly good chinwag” instead.
1894 – English captain Andrew Stoddart is outraged at the cost of a pie, chips and beer
in the Doug Walters Stand at the Sydney Cricket Ground and tweets his disgust.
1896 – Cricket’s first streaker attempts to hurdle the wicket at Old Trafford, receives a nasty blow just outside the off stump.
1899 – Victor Trumper joins the Channel Nine commentary team.
1904 – Spectators take six hours to get out of the Adelaide Oval car park. A broken down steam-driven motor Phaeton is responsible.
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1909 – Sledging is invented. Dennis Bargearse-Smythe fielding at gully at Lord’s says to Australian batsman Monty Noble, “I say convict, that thick top edge should have you transported back to the colonies.” The slips cordon erupt with laughter and cries of “what ho!”
1911 – David Boon tastes beer for the first time.
1912 – Dennis Lillee’s moustache is created in the CERN laboratory in Geneva, Switzerland.
1920 – The first documented usage of “Avagoyamug” is recorded.
1924 – Shane Warne denies having plastic surgery, blames Instagram filters.
1934 – Michael Clarke is accused of being “brash and arrogant”.
1936 – Australia win the series without a shot being offered. Don Bradman merely meditates in the lotus position just outside the popping crease.
1938 – “I feel like a Tooheys or two” is selected by referendum as Australia’s new national anthem.
©Steve Williams 2015
