Author: SW

Dear COVID-19 anti-vaxxers, fuck right off

Posted on by SW

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was all over the news today, thankfully for not having a beer at the footy or jetting off on a Hawaiian jaunt. That’s a bit unfair, he has handled the pandemic quite well. Morrison has signed a letter of intent with biopharmaceutical company AstraZeneca to produce 25 million doses of a COVID-19 vaccine currently being tested. Not surprisingly in the outrage culture of 2020, debates have already kicked off over Morrison’s use of the word “mandatory”.

Of course a COVID-19 vaccine should be mandatory, unless for 1000% genuine medical reasons, as in the vaccine recipient’s arm will fall off, or they’ll drop dead. Even the arm excuse isn’t good enough. Most of us have a spare. Religious reasons? Don’t care. Surely your religion preaches something about being selfless and looking after your fellow man / woman / insert other option here… etc etc.

No doubt the nutjob-tin hat-wearing anti-vaxxer-sovereign-citizen brigade will emerge from wherever they emerge from. They’ll be spouting some pseudo-constitutional human rights charter bollocks they have dreamt up and gleefully shared in their pathetic little Facebook groups.

These selfish bastards have been out in force across the globe over having to wear masks and adhere to totally understandable travel restrictions. Australian standouts include the obnoxious “Bunnings Karen” and one Eve Black who refused to comply with a police officer at a checkpoint, while filming herself for social media. The officer who endured her rant should receive a medal for showing great restraint in not shooting her.

Anti-vaxxer morons can fuck right off.

They spout their hilarious bullshit that Bill Gates wants to create a new world order by injecting us all with 5G towers, while the lizard-people Royal Family wave on. Or something.

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The trouble is, it’s not just random nutjobs… it’s also high profile politicians — the usual suspect Pauline Hanson — and media “personalities”, so-called celebrity chefs and more, who unfortunately have, or are given a voice. These people are ignorant and dangerous and should not be given any media oxygen, but obviously they will.

It’s not about them or their “freedom”, COVID-19 doesn’t discriminate. Hundreds of thousands dead, lives decimated, economies in the toilet. A vaccine is all we have to try and claw our way out of this.

Anyone who refuses the COVID-19 vaccine should be banned from stepping outside his or her house. Or better still, left to rot on Manus Island where refugees en route to Australia are cruelly imprisoned. These anti-vaxxers are entitled to nothing.

My slightly dodgy lungs have a vested interest in a successful COVID-19 vaccine. Like millions of others, I have pretty much been in self-imposed lockdown for months. I leave the house only when I need to, and the very odd occasion I’ve caught up with friends. I’m not paranoid, just measured.

I can think of a few better ways to spend my time than face down on a hospital bed hooked up to a ventilator. Wear a mask. Get the vaccine.

©Steve Williams 2020

Kanye for President? Vote 1 the brain-eating amoeba

Posted on by SW

So I woke up to the news that Kanye West is running for President. Again.

President Ye dressed as the Statue of Liberty at his inauguration

In these COVID-19 infused times, when reality is satire and satire is reality, I don’t know if this is actually happening. It could be, or not. It is more likely to be a severe case of ,”Nobody has uttered my name in five seconds”, but I’ll stand corrected when President Ye quotes his lyrics at his inauguration address.

“A monster about to come alive again / Soon as I pull up and park the Benz / We get this bitch shaking like Parkinson’s.”

Make America convulse again. I can see the caps now.

I also woke up to the news a case of a rare, brain-destroying amoeba has been confirmed in Florida. I’m sure there’s a link to the above. Sadly, I didn’t have a rare, brain-destroying amoeba, or a global pandemic on my 2020 bingo card. I did have murder hornets, flesh-eating bacteria, the President advising we all should inject bleach and Nick Kyrgios being the voice of COVID-19 reason.

What would a West / Ye / Yeezus / Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West / Yeezy / I’m sure I’ve left out other stupid names / presidency look like? The mind boggles. Though it couldn’t be any more of a fucking shitshow than the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC.

It would be a first to have the First Lady most famous for starring in a sex tape, unless there’s something Martha Washington hasn’t told us. Speaking of NW, it would also be a first to have the First Children (I assume that’s a thing), named after compass directions and a bit of the bible.

I’ll conclude with another quote from President Ye’s inauguration address, which makes as much sense as anything his orange predecessor said.

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“They say ‘build your own,’ I said, ‘How Sway?’ / I said ‘slavery a choice,’ they say, ‘How, Ye? / Just imagine if they caught me on a wild day.”

SAXOPHONE / BLACK PANTHER / MARK OF THE BEAST UPDATE

Wannabe President Nutjob Ye gave some hilariously rambling interviews yesterday that produced such gems as…

“One of the main reasons I wore the red hat as a protest to the segregation of votes in the Black community. Also, other than the fact that I like Trump hotels and the saxophones in the lobby.”

“I’m gonna use the framework of Wakanda (yes, the fictional country in Black Panther) right now because it’s the best explanation of what our design group is going to feel like in the White House.”

The piece of resistance: “It’s so many of our children that are being vaccinated and paralyzed… So when they say the way we’re going to fix Covid is with a vaccine, I’m extremely cautious. That’s the mark of the beast. They want to put chips inside of us, they want to do all kinds of things, to make it where we can’t cross the gates of heaven.” I think he means salt and vinegar chips.

There was more, so much more, but I just can’t. The brain-eating amoeba is looking really good.

©Steve Williams 2020

Coronavirus – just beat it (hee, hee)

Posted on by SW

So maybe Michael Jackson was right after all.

The mask… I’m talking about the mask.

Wacko Jacko hasn’t been moonwalking through these unprecedented times (DRINK!!) but he was rather partial to a mask. I’m not sure if it was to shield him from potential airborne viruses or pesky paparazzi. More likely, it was to stop his nose falling off.

Where I live, masks are compulsory in shops and on public transport and I am growing quite accustomed to wearing one. Though, unlike the angel-like healthcare workers, I don’t have to wait until the end of a harrowing 97 hour shift, I can take the mask off after buying a carton of milk or catching a train.

Masks do pose some etiquette questions, including greeting friends and acquaintances etc. I assume one of those etiquette whisperers who pop up on talkback radio when someone touches the Queen has a website devoted to this.

I’ve had a few haircuts since the start of the unpleasantness, and it is a novel (spot the coronavirus reference) experience removing the strap while holding one side of the mask in place as the lovely Tim wields his magic. I don’t mind a chat at the hairdresser, but via two masks, the conversation is as filtered as hopefully the bits of COVID-19.

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Non-verbal communication is challenging with the mask, you take the power of the smile for granted. I’m deliberately trying to smile more with my eyes, or to use that godawful word… “smize”.

It was interesting at a restaurant the other night watching people arrive wearing masks, then, like a weird masquerade party (thankfully not Eyes Wide Shut weird), they facially disrobed as they sat at their table – or for English readers, “were sat at their table.”

I’m amused by the cliched-redneck-Trump-lovin’-pickup-truck-drivin’-Confederate-flag-wavin’ types who are up in arms (literally) about having to wear a mask to protect others and themselves, but demand their rights to the 62th Amendment that they can carry a big fuckoff bazooka into a Wendy’s for their protection.

STFU and just wear a mask.

I’m not a virologist and can’t confirm the number of eyes the coronavirus has, but as Michael Jackson so eloquently sang, “There ain’t no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl.”

©Steve Williams 2020

Post-coronavirus wishlist

Posted on by SW

Strange days have found us. The Doors nailed it in 1967.

With the unimaginable horrific devastation COVID–19 is causing, it is virtually impossible to see a silver lining, though once this is over, there are some things that I would like to see remain.

My kind of social distancing

*Social distancing: Apart from the obvious health reasons, I’m enjoying people keeping their distance for once. I have never been a fan of people breathing down my neck in a supermarket queue, sitting on top of my beach towel or right next to me in a three quarters empty cinema or restaurant.

*Email more, meet less: As a freelance writer working predominantly from home, nothing much has changed for me. Formerly office-bound colleagues are realising those mind-numbingly dull five hour meetings could have been an email and that working from home has its benefits.

*Random acts of humanity: A strange thing has happened. People are generally being a lot nicer to each other, apart from the usual racist suspects, celebrities and certain presidents spouting dangerous medical “advice” and occasional nutjobs licking railway ticket machines and deliberately coughing on people. There are wonderful stories of community groups and individuals lending a hand to the vulnerable, including 99-year-old Army veteran Captain (hopefully Sir) Tom Moore in the UK, to companies previously not in the ventilator, hand sanitiser and personal protective equipment business changing tack to help out.

*Value our real heroes: Thankfully, the focus now is on the usually unappreciated workers… nurses, paramedics, hospital porters, nursing home staff, supermarket staff, school teachers, public transport workers, cleaners, delivery drivers and many more. They have emerged as the real heroes of our society. Hopefully they won’t be forgotten once we get through this.

*Environmentally friendly: The environment has rebooted. There are weird blue skies in Beijing and the waters off Venice are clear without the cruise ships vomiting pollution… and tourists. Enjoy it while it lasts.

*Creativity in captivity: Families in lockdown have invented new and old school creative ways to entertain themselves. Conversation, jigsaw puzzles and board games are back in vogue, TikTok videos about, well, just about everything are being shot.

Speaking of which, school shootings are non-existent. Hard to shoot up a school when they’re closed. So there is a slight sliver of a silver lining.

©Steve Williams 2020

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