Author: SW

COVID-19… taking the piss

Posted on by SW

Now, where was I?

What a time. What an absolute clusterfuck.

Betsy enjoyed her lip-smacking Ivermectin

With slightly dodgy lungs, I’ve been desperately trying to avoid attracting the attention of the COVID-19 lurgy. So far so good… and thankfully now fully vaccinated, I’m still alert but not alarmed. 

Though sadly, like the rest of us, I haven’t been able to avoid nutjob anti-vaxxers, rabid anti-mask wearers and the heart-worming stories of people who think it’s a brilliant idea to combat COVID-19 by overdosing on the anti-parasitic agent Ivermectin, commonly used to treat animals… usually very large ones such as cows and horses.

You have to wonder who was the first person to try Ivermectin? “You know what Trevor? You know how Ivermectin cleared up Betsy’s heartworm, I reckon it’ll be good for my pesky COVID-19 cough, so I’m gonna whiz up an Ivermectin milkshake.” 

Yes, Ivermectin is just the latest in seriously fucked up COVID-19 “treatments” and “cures”. 

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There’s been anti-static clothing, “nano-silver” toothpaste, necklaces to ward off COVID-19 (sans vampire-warding off garlic I assume), a German vaccine beer, an anti-corona mattress, virus-killing deodorant, even activewear brand Lorna Jane claimed its boffins had come up with “LJ Shield Activewear” sprayed with “groundbreaking technology” that could protect wearers against “viruses including COVID-19”. Spoiler alert: It couldn’t and the company was whacked $5 million by the Australian Federal Court. 

Who could forget the orange former US president suggesting disinfectant and ultraviolet light could be handy protection against COVID-19? That seems like several lifetimes ago. I wonder what he would make of a wellness influencer touting the benefits of 30 seconds of sun on your butthole. The mental image of a nude Trump, legs akimbo, saluting the sun is not to anyone’s benefit.

But wait, there’s more. An Indian politician suggested drinking cow urine, unfortunately he wasn’t taking the piss. Then there was Belarus President Alexander Lukashenko who apparently suggested driving a tractor and drinking alcohol will prevent COVID-19, though I’m not sure if he meant simultaneously.

Unfortunately, when you combine ignorance, desperation and in a lot of cases rampant stupidity and throw in the viral impact of misinformation from seriously fucked up Facebook groups, bizarre YouTube videos and conspiracy theorists on radio and TV screaming at gullible people, you get a deadly cocktail.   

I’ll stick to the science, thanks.

Though in the words of John Denver, sunshine on my butthole may make me happy.

©Steve Williams 2021

Advertising: Not so cut throat this time

Posted on by SW

First up, this is a non-sponsored piece… my 27 social media followers are hardly going to be influenced by me.

Thankfully the Single Edge 2.0 isn’t the edge of gory (apologies Lady Gaga)

I’m a cynical bastard. Several lifetimes in media / advertising / marketing will do that to you.

I’m extremely dubious of ads on social media (and everywhere), even though I’ve written a lot of them. Over the last few weeks I have been ignoring ads for a razor. Maybe the spooky algorithms knew I was going to write this.

After encountering a lot of their persistent ads and reading reviews on their website and with my BS detector set on its standard “ridiculous”, I bought the Single Edge 2.0, made in the US by a company aptly named Supply.

Single Edge 2.0 sounds all very iPhone… even the box is Apple-esque. Imagine an old school single blade razor your grandfather used, copulated with a gleaming metallic NASA-designed something. It’s very cool. Literally.

Apparently it was featured on Shark Tank which I have never watched. I assume it doesn’t involve a Steve Irwin type yelling “Crikey!” as a Great White devours him as an amuse-bouche, but I digress.

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I don’t overly enjoy shaving, it’s in the cleaning teeth department, but I’m not a fan of the clichéd hirsute hipster look, neither is my wife and I rather enjoy being married.

I’ve been using one of those those cartridge multi-blade razors forever. Yes, probably sadly sucked in by the spiel that if you’re not using a gazillion blades you will have a truly miserable life and no one will talk to you. The refills are expensive and not overly good for the planet.

The Single Edge 2.0 looks and feels impressive. I bought the alloy version (there’s a steel option and a kryptonite version is in the works) and it has some serious heft.

Supply was founded by a husband and wife team and their website is razor-slick and totally free of BS. Patrick and Jennifer of Supply guarantee all their products for 100 years, which should see me out. The company’s replies to trolls on their Instagram ads is quite amusing as well.

My verdict on the Single Edge 2.0? Thankfully it wasn’t the edge of gory (sorry Lady Gaga). For once you can believe the hype. Bravo Supply, you have a convert.

©Steve Williams 2020

What the actual fugg? They’ve changed the Fucking name!

Posted on by SW

You only have to watch The Sound of Music to know that Austrians have no sense of humour. Recent devastating news has confirmed this. 

The Fucking ambience

There’s a village in Austria called Fucking that I have had the absolute pleasure of visiting.

But you wouldn’t fucking believe it… they’re changing the Fucking name. 

What the actual fuck? Fucking is a perfectly Fucking good name. 

I can attest that Fucking is a quaint Fucking village. I had an absolute Fucking wonderful day.

The good burghers of Fucking are apparently sick of the Fucking tourists and are changing the Fucking name, which has only been the Fucking name since 1070. The Fucking change takes effect January 1.

It’s an absolute travesty. The local Fucking pub will suffer… many Fucking visitors have enjoyed a Fucking good lunch there. I even bought some official Fucking beer.

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The Fucking officials are reportedly annoyed with Fucking tourists stealing the Fucking signs and spoiling the Fucking ambience. Trust me, there was no Fucking ambience. I didn’t see a living Fucking soul.

It gets worse… they’re changing the Fucking name to Fugging. 

What the actual fugg does Fugging even mean?

How the fugg could they even think this is a Fugging good name?

Who gives a flying fugg about a fugging village in the middle of fugging nowhere called Fugging?

I realise that’s what they fugging well want, but they can seriously fugg right off. 

For fug’s sake, stop fugging around and just go back to the old Fucking name. 

©Steve Williams 2020

America. Land of the ______ , home of the _____.

Posted on by SW

As a kid growing up in suburban Sydney, I thought of America as a magical, mythical place.

One of my first memories was watching America put a man on the moon and as we all did, I grew up with the influence of American movies and TV shows… they were automatically cooler.

After watching the first Presidential Debate of 2020, the America of today is anything but magical and cool. The debate simply clarified what we’ve seen unravelling over the last four years. You can only have sympathy for Americans who have had to endure the Trump presidency and will live with the resulting stains and stench of it for many years.

I disagree with the observers calling the debate a shit show / train wreck / dumpster fire… it was always going to be like that. What did they expect? A courteous and engaging President clearly and unemotionally laying out his well-thought-out roadmap for the next four years, while calmly dissecting Biden? Trump was always going to be Trump… he doesn’t know any other way.

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Biden was obviously more (Vice) Presidential, smiling incredulously, rolling his eyes, refuting Trump’s usual outlandish and incendiary barbs… when he got the chance. I suggest the moderators of the next debates are armed with a mute button and a taser.

Some political pundits are suggesting that Biden should refuse to front up for the next two debates. That would be a bad move… only appealing to Trump’s (de)base of rabid MAGA hat wearing autobots. Biden, by simply showing up and doing more of the same as he did in the first debate, will come across as a calm, statesman-like antidote, someone to hopefully lead America out of the Trump clusterfuck wilderness.

By all reports Trump is behind in the polls, he’s the one who needs a new approach, a different game plan if he is to inhabit the White House for another four years. Watch this space.

I’m looking forward to the inauguration of President Biden, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump wins again in November. That would be very 2020.

©Steve Williams 2020