Author: SW

Musk ticks, three stripes and Ye’s out, RIP Her Maj and lions on the loose…

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Since my last serving of steaming randomswill back in the year 1627, quite a bit has happened.

In no particular order…

Note the protestor glued to the side

Elon Musk bought Twitter and the world lost its mind. I enjoyed Stephen King negotiating with Musk on Twitter about the cost of a verified blue tick. He didn’t even need to send in Carrie or Cujo. Martina Navratilova served an ace straight down the middle with her reply to Musk that she didn’t ask for the blue tick, she won’t pay for it and her “peeps” know who she is.

Queen Elizabeth II died. (I’m not a fan of the softer “passed away” “or we lost…” Where? down the back of the lounge? Or worse, “crossed the rainbow bridge”. She died.) But I digress. I’m a staunch Australian republican and believe it’s high time the apron strings were severed and Australia finally had our own head of state. It’s ludicrous that in 2022 Australia’s head of state is a non-elected English person who just happened to have the brilliant luck (though not according to a certain Harry of California) of being born into the right family in a certain sibling order. Having said that, I admire the Queen’s amazing devotion to duty. Some of these snowflakes who want to WFH forever could take a leaf out of Her Majesty’s gilt-edged book.

To Kanye West or Ye or whatever he is calling himself today. Bravo to Adidas and the other companies who have dropped him quicker than he could make another appalling antisimetic remark. Three stripes and he’s out. I loved Stephen Colbert’s line about West’s Yeezy shoes looking like someone put a pair of Crocs in the microwave.

The UK is an absolute clusterfuck. Enough said.

Five lions had a Born Free moment after escaping from their enclosure at Sydney’s Taronga Zoo… into another enclosure. It seemed the media desperately wanted them to be prowling down nearby Military Road devouring Mozman-dahlings as they climbed into their Range Rovers with their half skim decaf soy macchiato made from Peruvian numbat milk. Didn’t happen. Somebody said on Twitter the lions saw the dire state of the Sydney property rental market and scarpered back to their enclosure, locking the gate behind them.

People are gluing themselves to things. Apparently this is to bring attention to climate change and the impact of fossil fuels. These are obviously very noble causes and ones that are vitally important to the future of the planet, but I’m not sure if gluing yourself to a road inconveniencing people trying to get to work, or more importantly urgently trying to get to a hospital, or gluing yourself to a priceless artwork is a great way to gain positive traction for your cause. I suggest these morons glue themselves to one of the aforementioned Elon Musk’s SpaceX rockets. That would deserve a tick.

©Steve Williams 2022

Dear Nick Kyrgios, please don’t be a dick on Sunday

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An open letter…

Congratulations Nick, on making your first grand slam singles final, an amazing achievement.

Kyrgios demonstrates one of his favourite shots

On Sunday afternoon, your name will be etched into the honour roll of Australians who have stepped onto the hallowed grass of Wimbledon’s Centre Court to contest the Singles Final.

Your talent has never been in doubt, but please don’t be a dick.

*Don’t scream at / gesticulate at / show disrespect to the umpire / linespeople / ball kids. You said in one of your many rants that you wouldn’t berate people when they are at work at a supermarket “scanning shit”. The umpire and linespeople are at work. So don’t berate them. It’s not difficult. As for ball kids, who screams at a ball kid? Wait, I can think of a few…

*Don’t throw / smash racquets… you’re not three years old.

*Don’t continually ramble incoherently when you’re sitting in your chair. No one cares. Be more like Rafa or Roger.

*Ignore the dickheads in the crowd… and there’ll be plenty… just focus on Novax on the other side of the net.

*Don’t constantly scream and gesticulate at your team…. it gets very annoying. They don’t need to give you a standing ovation every time you win a point and your father doesn’t need to whistle after every point like he’s calling a sheepdog. It’s Wimbledon, not a Boston Celtics game.

*Don’t attempt “gamesmanship” that will put off your opponent…. that is very dicklike.

*Don’t spit at spectators or anyone.

*Don’t throw a chair (or anything) onto the court like you did in Italy.

*Don’t be a dick about the towels.

*Don’t tank. No one ever wants to see that… leave that shit to Bernard Tomic the Tank Engine.

*Just calm the f*ck down, play your best tennis and most importantly, enjoy what will be an absolutely amazing experience that most of us can only dream about. 

Good luck.

Thanks, 

Australia

©Steve Williams 2022

Another mass shooting. F*ck your #ThoughtsAndPrayers

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“Every time my daughter walks out the front door in the morning, I know she mightn’t come home.”

This mother’s daughter is not a police officer or serving in the military. She is a school kid.

Another one today. Another mass shooting in an American school… Uvalde, Texas. 19 kids and two adults killed, more injured.

Texas. Where last year Republicans passed a law so anyone over 21 can buy a gun without a license, test or background check, but the state has the most restrictive abortion laws in the United States. Priorities.

There was the usual outrage today at the NRA, more #ThoughtsAndPrayers, more politicians up in arms (thankfully not literally) and the President asking “When in God’s name are we going to stand up to the gun lobby?”

That’s an excellent question. Maybe someone should ask her.

Unfortunately those thoughts and prayers mean f*ck all to the children and adults killed or injured in the 27 school shootings in the United States this year. Not to mention the victims of mass shootings in supermarkets, churches, colleges etc, etc. Also not to mention the psychological scars the survivors will endure.

I’m Australian and it’s unimaginable to me that kids have emergency drills in school in case some nutjob with an AR-15 is pissed off at the universe and goes berserk.

It’s unimaginable to me that you can easily buy a military-style weapon… or two, that were apparently bought by the killer (I refuse to name him) just after after his 18th birthday. As one does.

It’s unimaginable to me that the United States Constitution includes the right to keep and bear arms. This amendment was ratified in 1791, however back then nobody was stalking victims in a school with an AR-15. Why the actual f*ck can’t it be unratified in 2022?

It’s unimaginable to me that terrified kids would have to desperately crawl for their lives through school windows and hide in a nearby funeral home, which will be the new temporary home to many of their dead friends.

It’s unimaginable to me that panicked parents have to run down to a school and wait for hours to hear if their child is alive or dead following another mass shooting. Their anguished screams echoing through the eerie silence of the school car park.

In the United States the Sandy Hook massacre in 2012 was supposedly the line in the sand. This is it. Never again. Hasn’t quite worked out.

Australia had its own Sandy Hook… in 1996. That horrific Sunday afternoon in Port Arthur, Tasmania when 35 people were killed and 23 injured. Just 12 days after the Port Arthur massacre, then Prime Minister John Howard announced a sweeping set of gun reforms. As Tim Fischer, Howard’s deputy said, “Port Arthur we acted on. The USA is not prepared to act on their tragedies.”

Gun control is possible. There hasn’t been a mass shooting in Australia since Port Arthur. The same can’t be said for the United States. Thoughts and prayers are standing by…

©Steve Williams 2022

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©Steve Williams 2022