Author: SW

When AI f*cks up: or Why I shouldn’t play with dolls

Posted on by SW
Exhibit A – “…apart from giving me serious bonsai-d serial-killer vibes and adding about 37 years…”

So lemming-like I jumped on the social media bandwagon and created (or attempted to create) an AI Barbie-style doll of myself with ChatGPT.

DISCLAIMER: I have fully embraced AI. 

I’m not a decrepit dinosaur who thinks AI is going to kill us like Hal 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Though having said that, technology has tried to kill my wife and I numerous times.

Several times driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge the satellite navigation has ordered me to “TURN LEFT NOW!” as we were smack-bang in the middle of the bridge.

If I had followed its advice we would’ve become slightly wet. 

We have also been encouraged to drive straight into the wall of a tunnel.

My wife and I now call any satnav appliance or Siri “Sybil” after the book and TV film about a woman with 16 personalities.

*DISCLAIMER: I am not suggesting in any shape or form people burdened with multiple personalities try to get people to drive off the Sydney Harbour Bridge or harm anyone in any shape or form.

Phew. Got that in just in time.

I also don’t believe AI is going to take all of our jobs, leaving us in a zombie holocaust state.

Seriously, the possibilities of AI are endless and exciting.

As a writer, I view AI as a rather shiny tool in the shed… I use it for research, to brainstorm and refine my work. 

Perplexity is my go-to instead of Google to search for anything. You get succinct answers with references, as opposed to 92,000 random websites.

I might be old-school, but I never get AI to actually write anything.
That’s what I’m being paid to do, and (gets trumpet out to blow)AI just can’t do what I do……………….. yet.

So back to Barbie. I fired up ChatGPT aka Sybil, attached a photo and entered the prompt: 

“Create an action figure toy of the person in this photo. The figure should be a full figure and displayed in its original blister pack. Add accessories of an iMac, and old-fashioned postcards of Sydney, Singapore, Bangkok, Munich and Hong Kong. Add the name ‘Beef William’ at the top of the pack.”

Not too taxing, one would’ve thought… after all, ChatGPT is very good at calculating tariffs.

Your Honour, I present Exhibit A, the photo of my action figure.

First, the good-ish bits… apart from giving me serious bonsai-d serial-killer vibes and adding about 37 years and massive hands, Sybil did get the outfit right based on my photo and the iMac is correct. 

Now the hilarious bits.

Sybil mustn’t get out much. Having lived in Sydney, Singapore, Bangkok, Munich and Hong Kong, I thought I would include retro-looking postcards of each city.

That’s where the plan fell to the ground.

Sybil totally ignored Sydney and Bangkok. 

Singapore became “Snpnah”, which has a certain ring to it and a few correct letters.

She also added an apostrophe: “Singa’pore” which is actually how British people pronounce it… “Singa-pore”.

This is usually followed by a very colonial reference to “out there” and “the far east”, while sipping another Pimm’s.

The random tower Sybil added to the right of Marina Bay Sands just screams Snpnah.

“Munich” became “Munchn”. Maybe Sybil had eins beer too many at Oktoberfest, though it is close-ish to the German pronunciation, “München”.

She got “Hong Kong” right, but added a weird European vista. 

Bizarrely, “Beef William” is correct. 

“Beef William” is my alter-ego, the reason for which is another story… 

P.S. I asked AI to “get feedback on the content” of this piece and Sybil gave me some very helpful suggestions… in Spanish.

©Steve Williams 2025

Taylor Swift

Look What You Made Me Do: How Taylor Swift is rigging Super Bowl and the US election 

Posted on by SW
Taylor Swift just before she released COVID-19 from the lab

It has been revealed that Taylor Swift is not only rigging the Super Bowl so the team of her boyfriend, Travis Kelce will win, but also the US election so Donald Trump won’t.

The rantings of rightwing nutjobs? No. Taylor Swift is an awful human being and the evil mastermind behind some of the world’s worst tragedies. She’s been getting away with it for centuries. Here’s irrefutable proof…

*Taylor Swift invented the atomic bomb, not Oppenheimer.

*Taylor Swift never replaces toilet rolls. 

*Taylor Swift always reclines her seat and takes up both armrests on every flight.

*It was Taylor Swift on the grassy knoll. 

*That person who always closes the lift doors in your face just as you are getting in… Taylor Swift. 

*Taylor Swift has sent every spam email and text message.

*Taylor Swift started the Great Fire of London with a cigarette lighter in 1666.

*Taylor Swift invented the smell of off milk. 

*Taylor Swift always hits “Reply all” to work emails.

*That time someone parked so close to you at the mall so you couldn’t open your door… Taylor Swift.

*Taylor Swift always chews with her mouth open.

*When your laptop crashed before you saved your important work? Taylor Swift did that.

*Taylor Swift never wipes down machines at the gym. 

*When you buy a packet of chips and it’s only half full… Taylor Swift does that at the chip factory.

*Taylor Swift was responsible for the Hindenburg disaster. 

*When you couldn’t get the last seat on the train because a bag was sitting there? It was Taylor Swift’s.

*Your Amazon order that went missing… Taylor Swift stole it. 

*Taylor Swift never does her chores around the home.

*Taylor Swift started the bubonic plague in the 14th century.

*Taylor Swift always kicks sand at people when she is at the beach.

*That boy who farts all the time in class at school… it’s actually Taylor Swift.

*Taylor Swift Invaded Poland to start World War II.

*Taylor Swift always leaves the toilet seat up.

*The mobile phone that went off in the movie yesterday… Taylor Swift. 

*It was actually Taylor Swift who bowled Don Bradman for a duck in his final Test.

*Taylor Swift was responsible for the Chernobyl disaster.

*That tissue in your load of washing that covered everything… Taylor Swift put it there.

*Taylor Swift is Jack the Ripper. 

*Taylor Swift invented the stupid packaging of batteries you can never open properly.

*Taylor Swift released COVID-19 from the lab.

*Taylor Swift doesn’t really like cats.

*Taylor Swift is the Loch Ness Monster. 

*Taylor Swift always reheats stinky fish in the office microwave.

©Steve Williams 2024

A love letter to Sydney…

Posted on by SW

So. I’ve moved back to Sydney after living overseas since way back in 2005.

Looks like someone’s god is about to speak

Apart from family and friends, in no particularly order, here are a few things I’ve missed in almost 19 years living away… my Sydney love letter.

*Kookaburras… with the wombat, the kookaburra is a rather underrated Australian icon compared to the kangaroo and koala, but we kind of like it that way.

*The sky… the Sydney/Australian sky is absolutely breathtaking. That blue…

*The Harbour Bridge… although I’ve driven/trained/walked over the Bridge a gazillion times, it always feels like the first time. I often think of my grandmother who walked across the Bridge the day it opened on Saturday March 19, 1932, wearing an outfit she had specially made for the occasion. She even took her shoes off and carried them as her feet were hurting. Unheard of in 1932!

*Wendy Whiteley’s Secret Garden… but shhhhhh… don’t tell anyone.

*Sandstone… the look and texture. The “Sandstone Precinct” on Bridge St featuring the Lands and Education Department Buildings is one of my favourite parts of the city. The former Education Department building has been transformed into the stunning Capella Sydney hotel. 

*The Australian humour… irony, sarcasm… taking the piss. Love it.

*The Royal Botanic Garden Sydney… Sydney’s magnificent backyard. Though it could do with losing the word “Royal”.

*Rainbow Lorikeets… those random, screeching flashes of colour.

*The beaches… all of them… but I’m looking at you, Balmoral, Whale and Palm. Though I don’t love Balmoral when you hire a car on a scorching summer Saturday, get there at 7.45am, spend 40 minutes trying to find a parking with no luck. Peak Sydney.

*Food, glorious food. Sydney’s dining scene is incredible… from a succulent Chinese meal to any cuisine you can think of.

*The Sydney Cricket Ground… though I do miss the old scoreboard.

*Sydney ferries… the best way to travel. Being on a (Manly) ferry as it cuts its way to Circular Quay, or anywhere in Sydney Harbour is always a wonderful experience. But I do miss the old-school ferries.

*The Opera House… those pristine, sparkling white sails mask the controversy that marred the design and construction. It really is incredible… as are the performances I’ve seen inside.

*Seafood… a veritable smorgasbord. Just don’t come the raw prawn, er, mate.

*Australian wine… I’m rather un-Australian in that I’m not a beer drinker. It’s great living here and not having to pay a billionty dollars for brilliant Australian wine.

*The Elizabeth Street entrance to St. James station… the famed Château Tanunda neon sign has been there since 1926.

*Friendliness… going for an early morning walk and people nodding, saying “Morning”. You miss that.

*Sydney Harbour… absolutely every single thing about it.

*Hyde Park… smack bang in the CBD… the fig tree-lined avenues, the spectacular, mythical Archibald Fountain featuring Apollo, Diana and his mates.

*Taronga Zoo… definitely a zoo with a view.

*The kulcha… art galleries, theatres (special mention to the magnificent State Theatre and the vertigo-inducing Theatre Royal), museums, music venues… etc, etc.

As that old song by Tommy Leonetti goes, “My warm city of Sydney / I’ve never been away.”

©Steve Williams 2023